sunday, may 8, 2005 - 9:47 pm

added 2 more projects to the 'projects fork.' check them out and send one my way!

went to oneonta gorge two days in a row. that place is magical. my favorite place on the planet.

h is in virginia, working. i just got off the phone with her, and she's having a good go of it.

had a nice breakfast with the fam in salem this morning. mother's day and all. my mom is the best mom ever.

sunday, may 8, 2005 - 8:46 am

harvest's greener at Pause and cantsleeptoomuchtodo at The Residence looked amazing and went really well. she had a great time. more later.

saturday, april 30, 2005 - 1:51 pm

the first seal for the new projects fork already came in today. it's awesome. check it out and get working on your own to send in and be a part of it! thanks daniyel, that totally rocks.

friday, april 29, 2005 - 8:37 pm

sunday, april 24, 2005 - 6:17 pm

when i say all painting is decorative for me, that's a mood. not my belief. not my ideology or philosophy. it's just a mood in the moment. most days, i see anything by richter or polke or tapies and a single image is enough inspiration to send me to the studio. so, what i mean to say is, painting is NOT all decorative for me, usually, just sometimes. and when it is, i am bummed and frustrated and need massages and candy and grape soda and a sauna, not all at once.

but that rant the other day was a tantrum, and today the ideas are more like smooth featherless formica firebirds in cuba. maybe that's why i don't have as much to write here and now, because there is no NEED.

congrats to D on 6. keep believing in yourself. walk right. we're in your corner.

happy birthday to my sister LAURIE! yee haw! i love you! (next, emily's first b'day.)

lastly, i still am fully unable to beat harvest at backgammon, and this tortures me terribly. she's in the final push for her shows coming up, and they are going to be rocking. like motley crue.

friday, april 22, 2005 - 7:49 pm

silence. sitting thinking of using a thousand tennis balls for something. whatever. paint them blue/black. call it rain. whatever.

harvest just said that i never put any blog entries up any more, and now she's telling me to tell everyone what a good singer she is.

ok, i am going to go lay on my back, stare at the ceiling with my legs crossed at the ankles and my hands on my chest. breath deep. no thoughts. and wham bam bam wham. magic.

have the weekend of your life, but without any self medication, no need for the synthetic bugs to be running in your head. let the real cells do their jobs. i'm a priest.

saturday, april 16th, 2005 - 3:15 pm

after breakfast, 'the special' at fullers, we hit ground kontrol and i watched harvest play the best game of Ms. Pac Man that i have ever seen. her ability to evade the ghosts, even on the fastest levels is uncanny i tell you, uncanny. then we came home and she kicked my ass at backgammon. this all made her very happy. i also saw that backspace has a chess night every other tuesday that i might have to check out soon.

thursday, april 7, 2005 - 12"!4 pm

had a fun show tonight. many awesome people stopped by.

tuesday, april 5, 2005 - 11:11 pm

i see that they are going to go ahead and shoot hunter s. thompson's ashes out of a cannon. if this event is open to the public, i say we get a caravan together for it and have a wild road trip in his honor. let me know if you are in for this when the details are announced. i'll drive.

sunday, april 3, 2005 - 10:43 pm

got lots of art stuff done this weekend. showing my nailed wave this week at residence gallery. should be nice.

with tenacious manic addictive fervor, harvest and i have been watching larry david's curb your enthusiasm. it's hilarious. i find myself thinking throughout the day that i should probably not be doing whatever it is i am doing because i feel like i should be watching larry david get himself into some fine dilemma. also, i find myself starting conversations with people the way LD does. (this is not an addiciton that i am proud of, but hey, it's a funny show.)

also saw "sin city" today. really liked the revolutionary visual stylings. came out of the theater and literally was in awe of the colors of the world. the comic book plot didn't stick with me too much, but the starkly contrasted black and white with a splash of color here and there (lip stick and blood) were really amazing. The actresses in this movie have pretty great personalities. They seem like really wholesome, good people.

reading 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' these days. i know, i know, you all read it in high school, but i could never get into it. i always thought it was too slow. but now it's just right. probably because i have become so wise.

bed is calling, and a new week is knocking on the door like axl rose.

sunday, march 27, 2005 - 10:37 pm

good times at the coast. harvest jumped. she jumped again. i landed. we stared at the sunset and took cheesey pictures of it. and had a great time. stayed in the frightening dark red edgar allan poe room of the sylvia beach hotel in nye beach.

yesterday, we saw the diane arbus show at the portland art museum, and also checked out the great installation at the portland art center. brodie accompanied us on this quest. a fine time.

today was easter. vaya con dios mis amigos.

tuesday, march 22, 2005 - 11:25 pm

happy third anniversary to us, tomorrow. surprises surprises. yeah yeah.

went to seattle for two nights. it was super. made this. stayed in the dorm style room at the green tortoise. had some good conversations with anthony of ghana. (note the first sentence of the site that i linked to. solely based on meeting anthony, i believe it.) he asked me if i have caught myself yet.

you mean found myself? i asked.

no, more like catching a fish, have you caught yourself?

he went on to tell me that you should just never have any fear, even if you are about to get your ass kicked, but to just take it because if you hit back you're just hitting yourself because we are all one. then he kicked my ass. just kidding.

also, that if you ask the right questions you will always get the answers. but you have to listen and look for the answers, be aware and conscious because they will be woven into your day.

yeah yeah. he was a cool dude.

learned of three awesome contemporary chinese artists at the show at the seattle art museum:

sun yuan, zhu ming, and lin tianmiao.

finally checked out the SOIL gallery space as well. cool space.

lastly, the am-trak ride up and back was totally just what i needed. on the way up i read the great divorce by c.s. lewis, which then prompted a read of his biography while in seattle. great stuff. on the way back, serene chilled out conversation with fellow travellers and amazing light off the water just after the sun went down.

i think i am a simple person. i guess it is so.

thursday, march 17, 2005 - 10:32

added a writing project to the 'writing fork' just now. if any of you look at it, let me know. thanks.

also did a bunch of reading on cricket, and tried to figure out the best way to follow a team. for some reason i am drawn to either the team from india or bangladesh. cricket is a complex long game. BBC online seems like a good place to follow the current events of the sport, but i still have not quite figured out a way to include this new interest in cricket in the 'sport fork.'

however, for the sporty fork, i am thinking of creating a weekly update of the poker game at my friend richard's house. even if I don't attend, he could email the stats/winners/losers/great hands from the night.

wednesday, march 16, 2005 - 11:44 pm

just got back from a sartre play with the h bomb. it was cool. the stage swiveled on a post in the middle, so the three people were always shifting left and right, forward and back. "no exit." i had not read or seen it before, and it was really great. spawned h and i into some great conversations afterward about the illusions we harbor about ourselves. it was at the imago theater, so if you're in portland, check it out.

also been fasting for 4 days now. no food on sunday, and then minimal food since, mainly a juice now and then, with a can of tuna here and there. it's not about losing weight, but more about cleansing the doors of perception. lots of water all day, and lots of time in the sauna too. it's been a good fast. the difference for me this time is that i am not harboring illusions that i want to change my entire lifestyle. rather, it was just a couple of days of fasting, and nothing more. i'm enjoying my expermentations with moderation, and realizing the benefits.

i said "harbor illusions" in both of those paragraphs.

now off to bed for mindless entertainment with will ferrell in "anchorman."

sunday, march 13, 2005 - 7:55 pm

another great weekend. was in eugene for a few days and that always brings back memories of going to school down there. this time, the memories sifted in my mind in a very contemplative way, hard to explain. i was back in the setting, placed myself there both in the moment and in the past, and it was just a strange few moments, felt like re-visiting a place after you die, in spirit, because i feel like i have changed so much since those days perhaps. i would love to go back and do the philosophy courses all over again, and i just know i'd get so much more out of college in general if i went back now. maybe i will. you never know. not to the UO though, somewhere else.

went to the new museum of art on the campus down there. they have a temporary warhol exhibit that is really great. it's amazing to me how spiritually void pop art can be, but upon the slightest amount of reflection or meditation, spiritually void things seem to be expressing a great deal of spirituality, if only as antonyms. but the more i experience pop art, the more i think it's about two things: 1) the amazing aspect of mass production, and how the mass production of something, anything, changes that thing, whether it is an icon like marilyn monroe, or a knife. in this sense, the pop art and warhol were really about 2) selling things (especially people as icons) and the beauty of the market economy, competition breeds excellence and all that. it has occurred to me recently that perhaps 99% of art in america is about selling something, either the piece itself or something else in the form of advertising. pop art led the way, deciding to recognize advertisements as art, and away it all went. to me, this is really awful. but if taken in the right perspective, the pop art that is fine art (and any other advertisements you see anywhere for that matter) could actually be seen, again, as the kind of spiritually void things that are shouting out 'choose me choose me,' not just for the sale, but also for the spirit that's hiding there under the surface. like in any night club or any hip bar or just take a stroll on a nice day downtown, everyone on the planet wants to be picked first for the kickball team at recess. it's what we spend our lives doing. we all want to be loved. we all want to be chosen. but we're just trying to get chosen by the wrong choosers. and, we're not choosing, which is an even greater problem. all of these words need defining, so maybe i am rambling again without any foundation, but hopefully you get the idea. example: sure we're all choosing what to order for breakfast, but are any of us choosing how to live, really? consciously? in line with our ideals? are any of us aware of the miracle of our own lives? do any of us care?

not really all that much is my answer, for myself. we all just want to look good in jeans and a tight shirt, and to get picked by the beautiful ones, picked as smart, as attractive, as good at what we do, and near the top of the list, as sellers. we want our products, whatever they may be, to sell. pop art is the artifact of the great tragedy of america, which is that we use our wealth to create more wealth, and not for any other purpose. i think warhol had to know this. he had to know that his art would go down in history as this relic of a people who were so obsessed with money that even all their art was about making money, and not about any other messages or expressions of the art. in this way, warhol was an american artist, and if he truly was wise to this, i wonder if he ever wanted to turn it all upside down?

art, to me, almost has to NOT be for sale. the kind of art that expresses what i believe to be valuable expressions anyway. and it is amazing how this confuses people, and also irritates and frustrates those experiencing the art. they want to know how much it is, or what it's selling. for so long, art has been the result of what other people want, and not as much an expression of what the artist really wants to be saying. this is such a new experience for the artist, in the last hundred years or so, and hence such a new experience for people in general. the potential is endless.

to me, the artist is really coming to terms with his/her own beliefs about life, existence, art, the world, other people, and of course about art. these beliefs cannot come unquestioned from tradition. these beliefs certainly cannot have footing in trends or styles. and so we see the explosion of the abstract. we see the chaos that accompanies relativity theory and the great myseteries of quantum mechanics as they remain unsolved still today. the artist wants so badly to believe that there is order at the bottom of all that chaos, we all want that order. but we want it for different reasons. most of us want it because of our fear of death. we want to know that there is a reason for it all, for all our suffering, and then that will make death an easier idea to swallow throughout our own lives. but i think others of us hope for that great order, and have faith in it, because we want this kickball game to be happening, not necessarily for a reason, or infused with great meaning, but we want for and believe this existence to be a part of that great order, within the teeth of all that it is, whatever it is. we want our lives to be a part of it all. we want to belong. deep down, we want our very identities to be important aspects of the development of god.

sunday, march 6, 2005 - 7:00 pm

have had a splendid weekend. today was nice. we put some art in the park at about 6:30 am, then went back at about 10 and it was already gone. that really bummed me out, but harvest seemed to be perfectly fine with the temporal nature of it. that was only because she already had a bad dream about it, so she'd worked through it all. neither of us have done stuff like that before, put art in what would seem to be a random act or created art even close to that style. but after seeing a documentary about andy goldsworthy a few weeks ago called 'rivers and tides' we were standing in the vegetable section and just thought it would be fun. it was, even though our lettuce flower only lasted two hours, maybe less! it's cool, i'm fine with it now. i know the lettuce flower exists somewhere in the cosmos, floating in the conceptual ether like a galaxy. someone already mentioned that maybe someone ate the art. and this is very possible as we did leave a vat of italian dressing closeby in the park.

after seeing that the lettuce flower had walked, we had to go see 'the aviator' which we had not seen. i loved it. i like passionate crazy people like howard hughes.

also, h is working on this painting right now, and i like it very much. she says it's not done.

and i made this centerpiece for our table a few weeks ago.

two other photos from today.

nail in the sidewalk and

the light at the end of the tunnel.

wednesday, march 2, 2005 - 9:03 pm

and so we keep on rolling along. working on making time to make it all happen. when i started this blog, i told myself i'd only write in it if i had things i specifically wanted to say. but i find that i seem to just want to mumble about random mumbo jumbo. not sure why, i can't see anyone finding it interesting.

i do continue to think about expression. it's all still stirring 'round and round.

maybe artists can only connect with people who seek the connection themselves.

it seems like god's way.

i don't think it's cool for an artist to talk about god, but i am not sure why. maybe it's just naive to throw the word 'god' or the concept of god around so easily. that makes sense. i guess it could be easy to be mistaken for a fundamentalist, but whatever. it occurred to me the other day how giddy many people get around famous people, yet they never feel that same emotion in god's presence, which is all the time. i've also been trying to remember to notice what i think god is trying to communicate to the human species, not just with big weather things, or strange patterns, but also in the minutia of the city, our natural habitat that we've created for ourselves. the cracks. the decay. as well as just trying to almost decipher something. more importantly, just having an open mind and open ears, open eyes - to the mystery. that mystery, any truths, cannot be expressed to anyone else unless there is at least a subconscious awareness (although hopefully at least partially conscious) of what it is.

i see how an objective expression is almost a paradox of terms.

yet, an expression of truth is different.

you see how i am all mixed. lots of ideas for installations that seem to hint at a great order, but i seek more than just hints.

i seek the unveiling.

monday, february 21, 2005 - 12:44 am

hunter s. thompson killed himself. that's just great. time to read 'the rum diary' again.

sunday, february 20, 2005 - 3:45 am

been up late working on the site after shooting pool with ryan at belmont inn. we dominated. cranberry juice is excellent.

added sketch book images as well as the page of photos of jason. i have been putting that off because i just didn't want to think about it, but i'm glad it's up now. i feel like there's so much more i want to say about that, but i guess getting the pictures up is good for now. i don't really know what else to say actually, about that, but it feels like there's so much more.

saturday, january 29, 2005 - 4:58 pm

Iraqis, don't forget to vote tomorrow. You're free now.

Took my first ever yoga class today with censoni. wow. overwhelming, intidimating and yet felt awesome afterwards and can't wait to go do it all again. in fact, as i type this i am in the up dog position.

Daniyel stopped by the other night. Evidence of this visit.

tuesday, january 25, 2005 - 9:33 pm

cruising cruising

another walk tonight. this time w/ h up and down broadway and then into whole foods for dinner stuff.

snapped a couple pics along the way.

good times. i had a strwaberry serenty raw foods drink for dinner. what energy.

also picked up two bright eyes cd's today, which seem pretty good after a listen or two.

sunday, january 23, 2005 - 2:30 afternoon

had a nice walk in the pearl yesterday

stopped and really looked at things

closely examined the cracks, the dirt, the particles

it's so easy to pass it all by

so, i took a bunch of photos

thursday, jaunary 20, 2005 - 9:37 pm

re-energized and light.

got my multi-vitamins and am ready for the mountain

summit.

or at least

the continuation of this wild serene colorful enigmatic awesome humbling journey, up toward the

mountain.

tickets please.

wednesday, january 12, 2005 - 9:15 pm

birds and birds and birds making sense like more and more

fish and fish

the cool mark the cool notation the cool cool fence

ignore and argue and watch the sun

birds and birds

saturday, january 1, 2005 - 7:18 pm

got back from vegas this afternoon, happy to be back in portland. we had a great time, topped off by a massage, but harvest and i were both caught off guard by the total hollow feeling that vegas presents in everything between the people and the architecture. also, this feeling probably came from the fact that we both lost almost every attempt to win any money. so, you know, that must mean the place is bad. no but seriously, it had more of a "hellish" feeling to it than before, and i am not sure i'll seek a return trip anytime soon.

on the flip side of that, it was great to again see harvest's biological hawaiian family. they are awesome.

new year's eve was spent watching some ultra fab fireworks from the 31st floor of the Rio, where we were staying, and at 12:10 into the new year, the lights went out, and stayed out until close to 2. it was a bit unsettling, but also a slight adventure to welcome the new year. while my own personal resolutions are more on the calm, serene side of life (serenity now), a healthy little adventure will never be unwelcome.

happy happy. be.

monday, december 27, 2004 - 10:54 pm

off to vegas tomorrow. good holiday parties with lots of food and gifts. saw 'meet the fockers' last night. it was ok. saw 'life aquatic' the night before, and yeah, that's a good one. bill murray is THE MAN, man.

i'm feeling antsy, in need of an adventure. last year at this time i was down in argentina walking across the desert. vegas should take care of some of that, i hope. then, back to the real world.

working on a short story called 'the monk' right now. enjoying that. and thinking a lot about art. looking at roger lipsey's book called An Art of Our Own, the spiritual in twentieth century art. it is nice. so, that's all for now.

tuesday, december 21, 2004 - 3:15 am

sitting up, working on the site, listening to godspeed since the jessye norman opera piece was finished, polished most of a hershey's milk chocolate bar and some cran-ras juice, my new favorite. saw spanglish today. it was ok. went with laur which was cool. also got harvest an awesome x-mas gift today. yes.

family x-mas was yesterday, well, sunday, and it went awesomely. it was great to see everyone.

the day before, however, was jason's funeral. and that just should not have taken place, not on that day anyway. jason was such a genius. i wish he would have hitch hiked to san diego and caught a boat to bali.

wednesday, december 8, 2004

blogs. frogs. smog and fog and smoke and jog. holy blog. holy truth. love.

life is rolling along at the speed of light. almost 2005.